


Moving in

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Gen, Lesbian Melissa, Melissa & Paul went to high school together hc, Other, Pre-Canon, TW for some sexual content, a lot of the humour in this fic is for WLW’s with cats, bi Emma, im so sorry fmnfndm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22265539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Two years out of high school and Melissa is looking for a new job and CCRP is looking for a new personal assistant. It suits her perfectly. What she wasn’t expecting was for an old friend to be working there already
Relationships: Melissa/ Doug, Paul Matthews & Bill, Paul Matthews & Melissa
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will not back down from the stance that Melissa is a wlw okay and this was based off so many Paul Melissa hc’s

“You’re wasting your endless potential, Melissa,” she pointed at herself in her mirror as she walked into her apartment. 

She brushed aside the delicate fairy lights draped over the top to look herself in the eye. “No more working at work. You’re going to quit.” 

“Waaaah!” There was a patter of paws and a jingle of a bell as her cat came tottering over to her, tipping her little head up to look at Melissa. 

“Waah!” Melissa mimicked her. “Yes, I hear you! I know I said I was gonna quit yesterday but I’ll do it for real tomorrow! Promise!” 

“Mwaah!” Her cat meowed, bumping her forehead into Melissa’s ankle. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s get some dinner, okay?” She scooped her cat up, her cat let out another meow. Melissa returned the gesture. 

She had been in her new apartment for about a month, finally moving out of her parent’s home. It was supposed to be liberating and free, some of the only decor she had was a pride flag that was currently being utilised as a tablecloth because she didn’t know her apartment’s rules on sticking things to the walls. But things were not as fun as she’d hoped. Her apartment was a little to far from her current job, and she didn’t like it enough to be driving half an hour each day for a minimum wage job, she was barely covering gas money. Plus, she hated her boss and she only had one co worker she liked. The customers were patronising and dumb and she could not bear the restriction of fashion that was a work uniform. 

It was a plain black polo shirt made out of cheap material, and she was only allowed to wear jeans with it. Not only did it look awful, but how on earth was she supposed to find a girlfriend if she couldn’t code herself? She was going to go get a buzz cut if this kept up. 

She tipped some kibble into her cat’s bowl and grabbed some left over fried rice from the fridge. She carried both bowls over to the table and set them down with a sigh. 

“Wah!” Her cat pounced up onto the table, cracking the dry food between her teeth and pausing to give Melissa a look.

“No, Mew. No more wet food! I’m sorry!” She rolled her eyes. She didn’t even have wet cat food in the house anymore, not that her baby seemed to understand. 

Mew waved her tail, taking another bite before hopping back down to prance off somewhere. 

“Hey, don’t walk away, we were having a conversation!” She called out. 

Melissa wasn’t lonely, her cat was just her best friend. She had human friends too, for sure. The girls from her softball team, for example! They met up twice a week, once for practice and once for play. And they all got along great. But her cat was her best friend. 

Maybe it was because Mew left most of the conversation to her, she would sit and listen and give her funny looks. It was a good replacement for her old high school friend. 

Paul, Paul Matthews. Yeah, she loved that kid. She wondered what he was up to nowadays. Paul was really bad at talking, so he never really kept in contact after he graduated. 

That was a tough two years with out him, she was in sophomore year when he was in his final year. Then he took off and she was back to being the token queer no one wanted to hang out with. 

But Melissa didn’t care, she enjoyed her own company, she had lots of stories going on in her head. She always told herself that if she wasn’t her, she would really love to be friends with her. 

“Who doesn’t want to be friends with the local femme, huh?” She huffed, chewing on a mouthful of rice. 

Paul knew she was into girls and he still wanted to be friends. Now that she was thinking about it, she really missed her old friend. She picked her phone up from the table. She hadn’t seen him in four years now, maybe it’d be worth trying to find him online. 

Her cat let out a loud meow from her bedroom. 

“What?” Melissa called back. “I’m in the kitchen.” 

Another meow. 

“Mewmew, you’re fine. Stop crying. There’s literally still food in your bowl, come get it.” She put down her fork to rattle her dish. 

The sound of the bell on her collar made its way back to the kitchen and her cat jumped back up onto the table to finish off dinner. 

“Yeah, you’re dumb like him too, huh?” Melissa scrolled through the news. She didn’t know if she could still call him that. They weren’t all buddy-buddy if they hadn’t spoken in four years. Plus, saying that behind his back was just bullying, not teasing. “Sorry Mew. You and Paul are both very smart.” 

Her cat wasn’t listening. 

“Ah.” 

She was gonna quit her job tomorrow, she promised this time, and she couldn’t break a promise to her cat.   
That meant now she had to start looking for a new job, rent wasn’t gonna pay itself. 

She wanted something nice for herself, she had graduated with a great score and had loads of work experience. She was great with kids, she had first aid training. She could score a nice job.

Most of the roles available were just not in her league though. She scrolled through about twenty of them, this was just ridiculous. “Welp, Mel, you can either go work in part time fast food or be a full time heart surgeon,” she clicked her tongue. “Hm. Hard choice. Might have to pass on that heart surgeon thing though. I’d only use my doctor powers for evil. If I went to jail then who would feed my cat?” She nodded wisely. “Good thinking. What are we thinking about...hmm...” she scrolled further. “Full time personal assistant, CCRP.” 

That sounded nice. It had a fancy ring to it, she’d get to wear cute skirts and sit at a desk all day. It payed well and it was nearby, and while Melissa wasn’t sure what it would really entail, she did know that assistant characters on TV were just always the best. She only had two shows off the top of her head to back that up with, but she wanted to ride that train. 

She leant back in her seat, reaching out a hand to scritch her cat behind the ear as she considered it. 

Personal assistants get to meet everyone in the office. People would have to like her. She was fun, she was lively, she got things done. 

She had to catch herself from thinking she already had the job, she was already planning out the next ten years of her life as everyone’s best friend and the new co-manager. 

Tomorrow she was finally going to quit, for real this time. No more talking herself out of it or going ‘just one more week.’ Tomorrow was it, and after her shift she was going to take her resume down to CCRP and be over with it.  
———————————————————

Melissa sat tensely across the table from her possible new employer, not daring to speak out of turn. 

He wore an expensive suit with a sweet, baby-pink dress shirt. His hair was grown but combed, he seemed like he should be a fair man, better than her last boss, but something about his eyes were just plain feral. 

“So, why do you want to be the new personal assistant, Miss Faith?” He asked, his eyes set on her and his fingers interlocked. 

She gulped. This was like an interrogation. “Because I couldn’t be a heart surgeon,” she stammered.   
Shoot. Damn. Oh god. Wrong answer, bad, bad answer. She had to keep her thoughts in her head, she was in the real world right now and she couldn’t just say anything that came to her head.

Now the man was looking at her, his eyebrows twitching like he was glaring, but then he tossed his head back with a roar of laughter. “Yeah, I guess that’s why I’m a boss too, huh!” 

Melissa laughed too, a little awkwardly, a little afraid. “Haha. Ahah. Yeah, that’s very funny sir, I-“

“Oh, you’re flattering me,” he grinned, not quite done laughing. 

“I meant to say I think I’ve got a lot to offer to the office. I’m first aid and CPR trained, I graduated with-“

“Oh, you know first aid? Can you answer me this?”

Melissa gripped the sides of her seat. His mood had gone from eccentric to perceptive in a matter of seconds. “Yes?” 

“So, is it true that sometimes surgeons take ligaments and tendons from you body to repair joints in other parts of the body? Because oh my god, the thought terrifies me.”

Melissa tried not to let her jaw drop. As if she knew! She was just talking about bandaids and pain killers! But before she could even try to formulate an answer he began to laugh again. 

“Oh! That’s right, just like you said! You aren’t a surgeon! Melissa, I’ve got to be honest with you, this is just going so swell. I mean, I’ve got a few other people to interview but you are a strong contender! You are exactly what I’m looking for in this office. We’ll be in touch, okay?” 

Melissa nodded, speechless as she stood up. She had barely said a word the entire time. This guy was nuts, he was straight crazy. But, on the other hand, so much better than her old boss. She clicked her tongue, picking up her resume as she shuffled out of the office. “Thank you, Ken, was it?” 

He chuckled again. Was that funny? Oh god, did she get his name wrong?

“Call me Mr. Davidson. I mean, you can call me Ken if you’d like, but only if you want to be fired!” He shot her the finger guns. “Hah, oh you. You’ve got this in the bag though so far.”

Out of fear, Melissa returned them, squawking an awkward laugh. “Hahaha, Yeah, got it Mr. Davidson. Thank you for your time!” She hurried out of there as soon as possible, slamming the door and leaning against the wall for a minute to regain her composure. 

“Getting the Mr. Davidson treatment, huh?” A man was making his way across the floor to her in no particular hurry. He was stirring a cup of coffee in his hands.

She nodded, her eyes still wide with shock. 

“I could hear him laughing in there, all the way from my desk. Listen, not that you heard it from me, but he’s never needed a personal assistant, he just wants someone to laugh at his jokes.”

“Oh,” Melissa let out a breath she had been holding. “But it still pays the same as an assistant, right?” 

“Yep. Full pay.” 

“Well damn then, what’s the problem? If it’s a show he wants I’ll bring the popcorn, I just want the job, man.” 

The guy snickered at her. “Hey. I hope you get it. I like you, kid. I’m Ted.” He didn’t hold out his hand to shake even though Melissa had. 

She hovered it there for a second before shoving it back into her pocket. He began to stroll and she followed him. 

“That’ll be where you sit if you get it. And I think you will. I’ve been watching people go in and out, all a bunch of old people thinking this is a serious job. The boss man isn’t amused. The last assistant quit because she just couldn’t take it.” 

“Oh, uh. Does he tell bad jokes?” She winced, scared to mention that in even the vicinity of that man. 

“Oh, they’re shitty alright. Fucking awful. I’ve never laughed once.” 

“No, I mean like...” she tapped her fingers together. She didn’t even like to say it. 

“Oh!” Ted shook his head. “Nah. They’re all harmless. It’s all dad comedy, slapstick stuff. Mr Davidson is completely harmless, just a little unhinged.” He was walking her over to the door to see her out it looked like, he pointed to his left. “That’s my desk right there, y’see?” 

“Oh, so if I get the job I’ll be able to see you?” 

“Depends, what’s your prescription?” He joked. 

Melissa snorted. This guy was a bit more fun than the boss. “My eyes aren’t that bad,” she tweaked her glasses. “They’re- oh, oh my god! Who is that?” She hunched her back down defensively, her hands ready at her sides as she ducked behind Ted. 

“Hwoah! Alright, so this is happening,” he stood still and took a sip of his coffee in an attempt at swimming nonchalant as Melissa used him as a shield, trying to see out in front of him. 

There were two men on the path past her, smiling and chatting with coffee’s in their hands as they came in through the doors.   
The man taking up the rear was a lanky, plain looking guy. He was listening to what his friend was saying rather than doing much chatting himself, but she recognised his face.

“Hey, you went to Beanies and you didn’t invite me?” Ted called out.

Melissa ducked down, hoping she wasn’t seen as the two men looked Ted’s way. 

“Sorry, Ted. Did you want to come?” 

That voice was familiar too. Was that really Paul? It couldn’t be. The voice was deeper than it had been last time she had seen him, it had more of a timber too it. 

“No, no. It’s fine. Whatever.” 

“Oh, sorry Ted,” the other man frowned, giving him a pat on the shoulder as they walked past.

Melissa hopped back up, holding onto Ted’s arm as if to invite herself into his hold for some security as she watched the two men leave. 

“Hey, so. I don’t really know you and I think you’re a little too young for me,” Ted let go of Melissa, holding his hands up in defence. “What’s the big deal?”

“Who was that?” 

“That’s just the back room guys, there’s this third girl who just started a couple months back, Charlotte, and wow,” he clicked his tongue twice. “What about ‘em?”

It wouldn’t make any sense. His house was close to Melissa’s old house, which meant far too far away from here. Maybe she was just seeing it in her head because she had been thinking about him, after all, she didn’t even get a good look at his face. She swallowed and cleared her throat, rubbing the shock off her face.   
“Sorry, Ted. I just thought I recognised someone.”   
———————————————————

“Alright, gang. New PA starting today, you’re all going to make sure she feels welcome, right?” Mr Davidson announced as he walked into the office as the day began. 

Paul exchanged a nervous glance with Bill. He wasn’t really a new person kind of guy, and he even though he had been working here a year and a half now he had only just gotten used to his co workers. And if it weren’t for his old friend Bill helping him settle in, everyone might still be strangers.   
He knew for a fact that when Charlotte joined the IT office and shifted the dynamics it had taken a lot of him, and Charlotte was a sweet and harmless lady! She was quiet and polite and generous, so unless this mysterious new assistant could top that, he didn’t think he was really ready. 

“And I’ll tell you what, she’s really funny. You guys are going to love her,” he promised as he strolled off on his way out. 

There was a quiet, mutual groan rippling through the office. Anyone Mr. Davidson thought was funny was probably not funny at all. 

“Oh boy,” Bill dipped his head, placing a hand on Paul’s back. “How about we just go back to the office and start working?” He suggested.

Paul nodded frantically, he didn’t even notice the slight tremors of his hands.   
He wasn’t ready for someone new to be running the place. What if she was a jerk? Or she just had some bias against the IT department? 

He pulled out his chair, sitting down at his computer to try to chase those thoughts away.

“Good morning, boys,” Charlotte yawned as she shuffled into the office with a frail smile, a tea cup placed between both hands. “How are you?”

“Paul’s a little shaken up,” Bill answered for him. “Mr Davidson got a new personal assistant so we’re a bit worried she’s going to be the loud sort.” 

“Oooh, I wonder what she’s like?” Charlotte sat down, slowly starting up her computer for the day of work. “She might be really swell, Paul. You shouldn’t worry.”

Paul nodded. He tried to at least. He shouldn’t worry, it wasn’t going to be a big deal. The assistant wouldn’t be in his personal space. He wouldn’t have to see her at all.

He couldn’t focus on his work at all, but he allowed himself that. He plugged his headphones in to find the folder he kept downloaded versions of his favourite movies in. That was a good way to calm down without fail. 

He blocked out Bill and Charlotte’s conversation in lieu of focusing on his movie. But no, he couldn’t. He just didn’t want a new personal assistant. The last one had been so nice, she was quiet and dropped papers off without a word. She had shown Paul to his desk on his first day in the office and never asked questions.   
“Bill,” he growled. “I can’t believe Jessica quit.”

“I can,” he huffed. “Mr Davidson is a nice guy, but I couldn’t stand being around him nine to five.”

Charlotte sipped at her tea, not taking part in the conversation because she clearly didn’t want to take sides. The slurping sound of her drink made Paul’s eye twitch. He just wanted a moment of silence to think.

“Hey, I bet you’ll like her Paul. You just haven’t had your coffee today yet. How about we go down together? I’ll come with you,” he offered, standing up. 

Paul nodded, wetting his lips. That would be good for him. He followed Bill closely out of the IT room. He began to bump his hands together as they approached the bend into the main office floor, she was going to be there, and he was going to see her. And they were going to have to say hello. He held his breath in, his toes curling up in his shoes as he tried to walk faster in hopes of getting out of here.  
Maybe she’d think he was too busy to talk. 

He veered around Bill to try and cross the floor to the doors without her noticing. He looked straight ahead, he could see the blur of movement in the corner of his eyes that would be the secretary setting up at her desk besides the boss’s office. 

Just keep walking, just keep walking, just keep walking. 

“Paul?” 

It was the whole office went silent as he stopped in his tracks. That wasn’t Bill’s voice, for sure. It was almost like Alice’s, a little bit higher. He couldn’t pin it, but he couldn’t walk away now. Slowly, hesitantly, he turned to face the sound of the noise.

The secretary had dropped her book to the floor, her jaw dropped as she stared at him from behind her glasses. 

Paul clapped a hand to his mouth. “Melissa!?” 

Bill scratched his neck. Not sure what he was stuck in the middle of. 

Melissa began to fan her hands anxiously, a little jolt of excitement passing through her as she began to bounce up and down on her toes. “Hi! Hey! I can’t believe it’s you!”

“You’re the new secretary? What- how did you find out about this place!?” 

“Wow!” She was making a bit of a scene with how loud she was talking. “You’ve changed!” 

Melissa however, had not. She was a little bit taller but she was still baby-faced and spritely and absolutely not suited to be an adult. “You’ve uh,” he didn’t know how to finish the sentence. “Are you setting up?” 

Bill came to stand behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder to remind him what they were doing. 

Melissa nodded. “Yes. Setting up all my stuff. I don’t have much stuff. But there sure are things,” she explained.

Even in high school she had had a habit of not explaining what was going on in her head out loud when she spoke. It made him happy to see she was the same. He liked her like that. “Did you wanna um, take a break? I was going to go get coffee and-“

“Oh, I-“ she cut him off as if she didn’t notice he was finished talking until it was a second too late. 

Bill chuckled. “See? Not a big deal at all, right?” 

Paul nodded. Not a big deal at all, it was Melissa. Everything was okay. 

Bill exchanged a look with him, offering him a moment together with Melissa. 

“Thank you, Bill! I’ll get you a caramel frappe!”

Bill grinned, patting his back before leaving. 

“I don’t really drink coffee,” Melissa explained sheepishly like she was embarrassed of that fact. 

“Oh! They make tea, as well. You should come!” Maybe that was a good thing actually. Sometimes Melissa was energetic enough, he didn’t want to imagine what coffee would do to her. 

Melissa shrugged, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “I don’t think I could take a break on my first day of work.” 

“Mr Davidson likes you way too much! You wouldn’t be in trouble, he’s in too good of a mood! Bill will cover for us, you should come with me! I’ll tell him you were on a coffee run.” He has just sent Bill off, so he didn’t have anyone to get coffee with him now.

Melissa settled her books down with a glance at the office door. “Uh, sure! Yeah!” She scooped a pink backpack up off the floor. “Why not?” She skipped after him loyally, and for once he felt like the one looking after her. 

But that didn’t last any more than a few seconds, as the moment they left the office she went off on one of her signature Melissa rambles about her terrifying interview with the boss was, and how bad her old job was, and Paul fell back into the rhythm of nodding and smiling along, soothed by the familiarity of the situation. 

This was just like high school, when Melissa would complain about trivial things like how the teacher wouldn’t let her write in black pen, or that the boy in the chair behind her smelt horrible. He would sit there and eat a ham and cheese sandwich and completely tune her out until she asked to play Pokémon with him. 

“I want to show you something,” he nudged her to cut one of her tangents about her cat short. 

She raised a curious brow, scanning the road for anything exciting.

He stepped ahead of her to open up the door to Beanies, gesturing ahead of him.

Melissa walked in, taking in a deep breath to scent the place. She turned back to Paul, cocking her head in confusion. “What’d you want to show me?” 

He let out a small giggle, elbowing her as he walked up to the counter to order his coffee. “Hi,” he began. 

“Oh,” Melissa figured it out, looking over at the little Barista for a moment before going to find a seat. 

“Hey, what can I get for you?” The barista looked up at him, her hands wiping down the bench as she spoke. 

“Black coffee and a chamomile tea, thanks.”

“Sure thing. You’re lucky, you’ve just missed the rush,” she told him as she got to work. “Nine fifty,” she added. 

Paul paid, too flustered to make a comment. He had been attempting to build up the courage to talk to her for three or four months now. 

“Ah, you don’t have to wait. I’ll bring them over.” 

“Ah! Sorry, of course. Sorry, I’m stupid, thanks, sorry.” He shook his head before running off as she gave him a curious smirk.

“Is that your girlfriend?” Melissa asked as they sat down at the table.

He snorted. “I wish,” he mumbled.

“What?” 

“Nothing,” Paul held up his hands in defence as if offended Melissa would even question that. He laughed when he saw her face. “Do you have a girlfriend yet?” 

She groaned and rolled her eyes. “No. And it’s ridiculous. It’s so hard to get a girlfriend! I’m not even kidding, like, give me a phone and ten minutes and I could get a boyfriend but girlfriend? It’s like trying to find snow at the beach. I swear, I’m the only queer girl in Hatchetfield!” She threw her hands up in defeat. 

“Hmm,” the barista quirked her eyebrows as she delivered the two cups, giving Melissa a knowing look before walking away. 

“I haven’t heard you say that since high school. That was like your catch phrase,” he joked, but now her eyes were set on the barista. 

“If you aren’t going to date her then I will,” Melissa declared, staring across the room. 

“Melissa!” Paul exclaimed, batting her hand and nearly knocking her drink over. 

“Just saying,” Melissa mumbled. 

Paul took a sip of his coffee. “You know, my niece has a girlfriend, actually. Just don’t tell Bill that yet, she isn’t out to him.”

Melissa shrugged and tossed her hands down on the table. “Oh, I give up. This is so stupid. No, there better be some girls my age who want a girlfriend. I swear, I am very attainable. My standards are low, my only requirement is liking me back!”

“And not being a man?”

“That’s a given, Paul. I mean, I moved half way across town and- hey, where do you live now Paul?” She asked, stopping herself short to take a sip of her tea. 

“Ahah,” he began anxiously. “It’s tricky right now. I’m staying with my parents still.”

“Paul,” Melissa scoffed, leaning in. “You were such a mother’s boy. Still are! You’re nearly thirty, why haven’t you moved?” She seemed a little more attentive than usual. 

“Well, I cant move in on my own, you know?” He hated when things were new. “I know I can’t pay for an apartment on my own but I don’t really wanna move in with a stranger.” 

“Oh,” she nodded. “Yeah, I get that. My parent’s want me to be a successful go getter so they’ve been chipping in on my rent. What about your friend?” 

“Oh, Bill’s got a wife and a child. He’s got a whole home. My friend Charlotte has a husband too. And that’s sort of the extent of the people I know. I don’t think I really have the money to move out right now.” 

“Well CCRP is pretty far from your place. You’re planning on moving out soon though right?” She put down her cup, staring him right in the eye now.

He shrugged. “I mean, eventually. Before I’m thirty for sure. I’ll have to figure something out.”

“Well,” she bit down hard on her lip. “You could totally move in with me right now if you wanted.”

“Huh?” That was a bit out of left field. “Really?” 

“Well, if you don’t mind! I mean, I have a cat and my table cloth is this huge lesbian pride flag but I could totally hang that up in my room so if we have guests they don’t think that’s you.” 

“Ah, so clever, because how else would they figure that out?” He blinked, a little astounded at the whole offer. He was just going to let her get it out of her system while he thought of what to say. 

“Rent isn’t that much, and I’d totally be happy to cover it for a while if you needed. But it’s got all the basics, and it’s live five minutes from here! I could drive you to work if you wanted too!” She almost sounded desperate for some company. 

“What’s your cat’s name?” He asked, derailing her train of thought.

“Oh! That’s mewmew, her name is actually Mew, like, after the Pokémon. But also because she’s chatty. Super chatty. I hope you don’t mind, sometimes I like to talk to her so I’m totally encouraging it. But it wouldn’t be a problem! You should move in!” She insisted again.

“Shh,” he then put a finger to his lips. “Don’t say that too loudly.”

“Huh? Why?” She looked a little crestfallen as she lowered her voice. 

“Because I don’t want the barista to think we’re dating, in a serious relationship or anything. Then she might not like me back!”

“Mister Paul Matthews, I would never date you,” she announced out loud.

His heart rate shot through the roof as he shot her another glare to warn her to keep her voice down. “Not helping!” He hissed, risking a look at the barista who just looked a little confused. When she caught Paul’s eye she shook her head like she was clearing her thoughts and returned to cleaning the table. 

“Look, Sorry. Sorry. I came on way too strong. But if you remember, from high school, I did not have friends - do not. But I’m new in this part of town at least so I thought I’d start off on the right foot.” She cleared her throat to try again. “Would you like to move into my apartment? Just while you’re saving up for a better place.”

“So that you can kick me out the second you get a girlfriend?” 

“To be frank? Yes. Not like there’s a chance of that happening here though! I swear, Hatchetfield is cursed. There’s something about this town that just prohibits me from meeting someone.” She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. 

“Well.” In theory it worked out perfectly. It would be cheap and close to work, it sounded like a nice apartment block. 

“So?” Melissa bit down on her knuckle as she waited for the answer. 

The best part would be that she was familiar, and kind, and she always wanted to look after him even if that sometimes meant she babied him sometimes - but it was totally okay, because that probably meant she would answer phone calls for him, and if he had the choice between speaking on the phone and eating a plate of dirt he would chose the latter. But most comforting of all, he knew Melissa.   
He gave her a smile to comfort the tension in her features. “Well Melissa, it sounds like a deal.”


	2. And they were roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are bad roommates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god they were roommates
> 
> Anyways this is just my dumping ground for Paul and Mel roommate fics I don’t think it’ll ever have an overarching plot

Paul and Melissa were bad roommates.

Really, they had only ever clicked in school because Paul never used to talk, and Melissa would stick up to his bullies for him. One other great factor was that he really only had to sit with her for two hours every day. It was a completely different side of Melissa when he was with her 24/7.  
This roommate gig would not work out. 

Melissa wasn’t having fun either. She missed the free reign of her own apartment. When she invited Paul to stay with her she did not think it would come with the constant questioning of why she needed so many toys for her cat, or why she felt the need to sing so loudly and poorly. Yes, this roommate gig would not work out. 

———————————————————

Paul just wanted to go to sleep. He had to see a client in person tomorrow, and he was just dreading it. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep easy, but the sound of Melissa going back and forth outside his room wasn’t helping. 

“It’s bed time!” She kept whispering.

Paul genuinely thought she was having a neurotic episode or something. 

He kicked off his sheets, dragging himself to his door. “Melissa, what are you doing?” 

She was crouched down by the second cat tree -yes, the second one. Her cat was the unofficial third roommate, and Paul truly did feel like he had to share the apartment with her too, but he wasn’t complaining when Melissa was paying half his rent. 

“Baby won’t go to sleep,” she pointed. 

“Can’t you just let her stay up?” He rubbed his eyes.

Melissa stuck her hand under the tree and her cat bolted up, jumping up onto the couch to pelt down the living room. “No! It’s her bed time, and I am a good mother.” 

“She’s a cat. They stay up at night,” he stated. “Can you be a little quieter at least? I’m trying to sleep.”

“Oh. Sorry Paul,” she paced back down the living room to try and grab her cat from their kitchen table. “I’ll be in bed in a second!” 

He sighed and steeled himself, nodding. “Thanks, Mel.” He carried himself back to bed, expecting the footsteps to stop soon enough. He pulled his sheets right up to his head and tucked himself under in an attempt to block out the noise and go to sleep.

“No!” He heard Melissa talking in a hushed yell. “Stop climbing back there!” 

He rolled over. 

Her cat meowed and she gasped. “Don’t speak to your mother that way!” 

God. This was going to be a long night.   
———————————————————

Melissa was sore. Her back ached from standing all day and she was getting the worst cramps in her gut. She couldn’t wait to get home. 

The kicked off the heels she had to wear to Mr Davidson’s meeting with the investor, rubbing her forehead as she dragged herself to her bedroom. 

“Hey,” Paul called to her through his mouthful of dinner. He was eating on the couch again. 

“Hey,” she called back, but she wasn’t sure her voice carried. She hung up her blazer and burrowed into her pyjamas, slumping down on her bed for a moment to catch her breath. 

She was starving, she had missed dinner time but she had some leftovers from the lunch she had bought the other day. She could muster up some energy at the idea of heating it up and joining Paul on the couch for whatever movie he had picked. 

She trudged back out to the fridge. “Haven’t you seen that movie like twenty times?” 

“It’s my favourite,” he told her, his fork clinking against his bowl. “And I don’t get people who don’t rewatch movies. If you like them then why would you only watch it once?” 

“Because you know what’s going to happen,” Melissa answered, putting a hand on her back as she leaned in to check the fridge. 

“You’re one to talk,” he scoffed. “I’ve never seen you sit through a movie the whole way through.” 

“Oh get off my back.” She shifted aside the half empty milk jug, looking for her container, but her heart dropped when she realised it wasn’t there. “Paul oh my god, did you eat all my leftovers?” She looked up to see what was in that bowl he had, and moaned when she realised he had in fact helped himself. “You’re going to hell, man!” 

Paul was very unfazed by her anger, and seemed more bothered that she had spoken over the TV actually. “Well I’ll see you there lesbian.” 

———————————————————

“Why are you asking me out on a date?” 

Paul heard Melissa’s whine from the living room, and hopped off his laptop to go investigate.

“We barely know each other! We met at the romance festival because I just wanted to buy your painting!”

Was there someone in the apartment with them? She sounded bothered, slightly worried, and he poked his head out the door to see her on her computer, maybe she was talking on the phone. 

“And yeah I kinda of flirted, but not really, I didn’t think you’d take it the wrong way but I’m sorry, I really don’t think this is going to work out!” She winced. 

“Who’re you talking to? Do you need help?” Paul offered, creeping up to her just in case he was interrupting anything important. 

“Huh? No man, I’m playing the sims,” she rolled her eyes. “And this guy from the market is trying to date my sim, but I have her a girlfriend, so I can’t go on a date with him! I don’t even know who he is!” 

“You’re playing the sims?” 

“Yeah man. You wanna join in? I’ve got a sim based off you.” Her fingers clacked on the keyboard and she slid her mouse over to get out of whatever screen she was in. “This is my sim,” she pointed.

She had a fancy dress on, and was lounging out across an expensive looking couch. She even had a sim version of her cat. 

“You aren’t that fancy,” he elbowed her. He didn’t see the resemblance at all.

“Yes I am! Have you not seen my suits?” She rolled her eyes “And this is you,” she clicked on his icon at the top of the screen and it shifted to where his sim was. He was on a computer in a room that had not been cleaned. 

“He looks weird,” Paul squinted. Surely his eyes weren’t that big. 

“Oh, sorry bro. That’s just how you look in real life.”   
———————————————————

“Paul. Use your brain. We can’t get red pillows for the couch, the couch is white!” 

“Yeah, I thought that would look cool?” He showed Melissa the options he had picked out online. 

“No! Paul, the colour scheme is pastels and pales, we can’t have red, it would throw everything off,” she gestured to their apartment. “Why do we need new cushions all of a sudden? I thought these ones were fine!” She set down a pillow in her lap. It was one of the purple ones she had chosen, but on Paul’s side of the couch she had a stuffed, toy rabbit that was big enough to cuddle up with. 

Paul picked it up. “Pillows for sitting on though, not for holding.”

“Paul, have the purple pillow then, give him here,” she snatched the rabbit off him to hug to her chest. “But red, seriously?”

“Fine, what about blue?” 

“Navy is going to clash, Paul, bro! If you go outside the colour pallet that might I add, I settled on before you were even paying rent, it’s going to clash.” She sighed, leaning over him to close his laptop tabs. What a close call. “Do me a favour, when you get married, hire me to interior decorate your house.” 

———————————————————

“I was free after work on Friday if you wanted to go out!” Paul smiled, making a note on his calendar. 

“That sounds good! Alice will be back with her mother by then so I can- what’s that noise?” Bill paused.

“Huh?” He took the phone away from his ear for a second, listening. “Oh my god. Hold on a second Bill.” Melissa was doing it again. 

He opened up his bedroom door. 

Melissa was laying upside down on the couch, her legs over the back of the couch and her head laying off the cushions, her eyes were watching the TV but her cat was sitting on the arm rest, and she was talking with her again. 

“Can you lower your voice? I’m on the phone with Bill,” he asked politely. 

The cat meowed. 

“Waaah!” Melissa mimicked her. “She says hi to Bill,” she explained. 

Then her cat looked up to meow at Paul, and Melissa hushed her. “He’s on the phone, sweetheart.” 

“Stop talking back, you’re encouraging her.” 

“Hey, while I’ve got you, what do you want for dinner?” She asked, rolling over onto her stomach to sit up, brushing her ponytail back into place.

Mew let out a loud cry. 

“No! Your vote doesn’t count!” She patted her cats head, flattening her ears. 

Her cat got back up, shook out her pelt and hopped down. 

“Oooh, now we’re fighting,” Melissa added solemnly. “You want spaghetti again?” 

“No, we’ve had it three times this week. I’m still on the phone, can I get back to him please?” He gestured to his phone. “And can you not talk to the cat for just one moment?” 

Melissa grunted as she stood up. “Okay, but I’m making spaghetti anyways.” 

———————————————————  
“Yeah, come on in. I think my roommate is around here somewhere but she shouldn’t bother you much,” he was wishful at least. Paul’s new friend was cool, and he hoped Melissa wasn’t monologuing to the cat or wearing her dumb Kirby summer pyjamas set. He hoped she could be cool for once. 

And who knows, if the night went well enough he might wind up with his first girlfriend since he was 25. She was pretty and funny and smart, he liked her. 

He winced though, when he noticed all the fairy lights down by the living room on. Usually Melissa was picky about the battery life of her fairy lights and only ever turned them on when she was in a quiet mood. Sure, he hoped she wasn’t being rowdy but he didn’t want her to be sad. 

“Hey Melissa? I’ve got a friend here,” he called. 

“Oh, cool! Dinner is on the table.” 

If it was spaghetti again he was going to snap, he lead his friend in, trying to get her to walk past all of Melissa’s strange interior design choices. “Can we use the TV? We were gonna watch the season finale of my show.” 

Melissa gave a thumbs up. “I’m just channel surfing. You can watch whatever.” She had her legs kicked over the armrest, and was clicking through the channels. 

“Hah, comfy there?” His friend joked when she saw how Melissa was sitting. 

She gave a nervous laugh and sat herself back up, crossing her legs and setting the remote down, pulling out her phone to browse instead. 

Paul always thought there was something a little unconventional about the way Melissa was always choosing to sit, but he was no better half the time. He made a mental note to watch the way he sat in front of her. 

“Can you feed Mew dinner while you’re in the kitchen?” She requested. 

“Yeah sure,” Paul nodded as he was going about getting the bowls ready anyways. 

“Ohh, do you have a cat?” She laughed. “I’m more of a dog person. My neighbour used to have this real bitch of a cat that would always sneak into my backyard. I can’t stand them!” 

“Hah, yeah, yeah!” Paul laughed too, even though that wasn’t funny. “Mew is sort of a nuisance sometimes,” he said as he poured her dry food into her bowl and she came running. 

“Paul! Don’t bully her,” Melissa spoke up, quite serious.

Paul dropped the topic only because he knew that would probably lead to one of Melissa’s many tangents about how wonderful her cat was. 

When he finally gave his friend a bowl of unfortunately, spaghetti, they took seats on the couch, and Melissa hopped up to sit on the arm rest to give them some room. She didn’t even snip at him for eating on the couch.

“Hey, what’s that?” His friend pointed at the flag on the wall behind the TV.

Melissa perked up. “Oh that’s my pride flag!”

“What?” She giggled. “I thought they were rainbow.” 

“That’s just the LGBT general one,” Paul explained as he searched for the right channel. “There are lots of them, they’re all very different,” he continued, assuring her it was okay to forget. 

“Yeah, this is the lesbian one,” Melissa explained. Sometimes it was nice to ramble about it all after being in the closet so long. “We used to just have this plain pink one but we changed designs ‘caus turns out the original flag designer was a terf,” she nodded her head. “Real bad stuff. I like this new one better anyways.”

“Ooooh,” she let out an uncertain coo. “That’s cool, I’m fine with that.”

Paul and Melissa both turned to give her a confused look. 

“I’m fine with gay people, I’m an ally, I just don’t like it when it gets shoved down my throat.” 

Melissa took in a deep breath. “Yikes. Uh, okay. You aren’t gonna like chatting with me for more than five minutes then,” she clicked her tongue and threw up a peace sign before retreating to her room. She wasn’t sticking around.

Damn, today had been rough enough, she wasn’t going to put up with Paul’s homophobic new friend. She shut her bedroom door, but the walls were thin and she could still hear them if they spoke loud enough. 

Paul’s friend was giggling nervously. “Oh good, she’s gone. I don’t mind lesbians, but I wouldn’t be friends with one - it’d be so scary! What if they fell in love with me?” 

She heard the familiar low rumble of Paul’s voice in reply and took to tuning the conversation out by plugging in her headphones. She had heard every stereotype before, it was nothing new, it didn’t even hurt. It was just annoying.   
She bundled herself up in her blankets, plucking a few plush toys off her desk chair to tuck under the sheets with her. 

She liked to keep her room free of bad vibes by making it as soft and as warm as she could. Even as a safety measure she wouldn’t really let people in, not even Paul.   
She wasn’t too fussy about enforcing it on a good day, it was more a habit from around high school when she was getting picked on at school by her peers and then drilled by her parents at home. But tonight that rule would be in full force.

However she was so busy following that tangent of though and planning out how she would tell Paul off for letting someone like that stay in her apartment that she didn’t even notice him entering. 

“Hey,” he shrugged. 

“Paul, get out of my room,” she glowered. 

“You wanna come watch the season finale with me?” He offered, kneeling down by her bed. 

“No, actually Paul. I don’t want to come sit out there and listen to your friend oppose my existence, believe it or not. I’m fine, I’m gonna go to bed anyways, it’s late,” she didn’t want to look at the dumb look on his face and curled in on herself. 

“Oh, she’s gone home,” he informed her, picking up one of her plush toys that she had accidentally kicked away when she curled up. He tucked it under the sheets with the rest of them, giving it a small pat and then a smile for Melissa. 

She tried not to chuckle. He was doing his whole ‘big brother’ act. “Sorry your date walked out on you,” she apologised. “I remember when I told you to move in I promised to take the flag down when you had people over. I can be so loud about it sometimes.” 

“She didn’t leave because of you, Melissa. It’s the funniest thing, but for some reason I just couldn’t get the TV to work, weird, huh?” 

She raised an eyebrow, peering a little further out from her blankets. 

“But she’s gone now and the TV is all fixed. I’d really like if if you kept me company while I watched it.” 

“Did you kick her out?” Melissa asked, pulling her sheets back out picking up a pillow to clutch to her chest anyways. 

“Hey,” he chuckled bashfully, nodding. “I was letting the first few things slip, but I had to draw the line there. I’m not dating a homophobe, Melissa. And I’m not letting anyone pick on you.” 

She giggled, putting her pillow aside. “Finally, some payback for all those years in high school where I defended you, huh?” 

He snorted, patting her shoulder as she crawled back out of bed. “Come on, the shows gonna start soon. I’ll try explain it to you all before the ads finish!” 

“Aw, it’s just like the good ol’ days, Paul,” she sniffles, linking arms with him as he lead her out to the couch. 

She sat down on her side, crossing her legs and setting a pillow in her lap as she waited for Paul to begin. 

“Oh, just a tip, the show totally looks better when you sit like this,” he kicked one leg out onto the table and crossed the other over his lap, sinking down. 

She snickered, lifting her glasses to wipe away the happy and the frustrated tears as she flopped back into a more comfortable seat, rolling onto her back and splaying her arms out across the couch, kicking her legs up over the back of the couch. Now she was comfortable, and even better as Paul started his explanation, tripping over himself trying not to spoil anything, but realising it was all pointless now that Melissa was watching the finale, and talking quicker and quicker as the ads stopped playing and the intro started. 

He took in a deep breath when he finally finished just in time for the show to start, it sounded strangled and he sucked it in, making a weird noise. 

They both stared at each other before bursting into laughter until their guts hurt like the pair of losers they were. 

Sometimes the roommate business wasn’t too bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One snippet was based off a tweet and one off a tiktok but the vibes are strong


	3. Wisdom teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul is burdened with looking after Melissa after she has her wisdom teeth taken out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear on god I thought I had been uploading to this fic apparently not tho so expect maybe a short fic dump? We will see

“Uughhh!” Paul could hear Melissa groaning through the thin wall. 

She got in bed the moment she came home, that was how Paul knew she wasn’t doing too well. He set his laptop aside to go to the fridge and grab an ice pack, pacing over to her room. “Melissa,” he knocked once before opening the door. “Ice pack.” He tossed it onto her bed and she clasped for it. 

“My head is exploding, Paul,” she complained, pressing the ice pack to her jaw. 

“Well you’re getting them out tomorrow, Mel. Don’t worry.” 

“I could deepthroat this,” Melissa stated, chewing down on the ice pack, crunching it between her bucked teeth. 

He turned around, throwing the blanket back over her face. He wasn’t sure she knew what she was talking about. “Don’t say that.” 

———————————————————

“Gay bitches be scared of getting their wisdom teeth removed in case they accidentally come out to their parents,” Melissa chuckled, the cotton in her mouth muffling her words. “I’m bitches,” she confirmed as she sloped down in her passenger seat. 

“Melissa you should sit still,” he didn’t want her moving about so much while he was driving. “How’s your mouth feel?”

She was dribbling down her shirt because her mouth was too numb to swallow. “I went to a space lab-“ he figured she’d called it that instead of an observatory because that was a bit of a mouthful for a girl who couldn’t feel her tongue - “and I watched a video on black holes and they scared me so bad.” 

“Aw man, that’s bad,” he frowned to her, clueless to what she was on about. “How’s your mouth though?” 

She let her tongue loll from her mouth for a second before giggling. “That’s what I mean, it’s like my mouth swallowed space.”

Paul knew about the trope of filming your friends when they’re on laughing gas. But   
he wasn’t thinking about that, he was thinking about how long he’d have to look after her. He wasn’t as keen as anyone else might have been, Melissa said enough clueless and arbitrary stuff on a daily basis. This was nothing new. “Do you wanna lay down once you get home?” He prompted, eyeing her hopefully before taking his hand off the steering wheel to smack hers away from the child locks. 

“Maybe,” she wiped her wet chin, gargling. “Wonder what my cat’s up to?”

“Hmm,” he pulled into the parking lot, thinking about how to get her inside and up the stairs to their flat. “She’s probably still napping exactly where you left her.” 

“Paul?” She called for him like she had lost track of him in the second he got out of the car, touching her fingers to her lips. “We should go watch legally blonde.”

“Maybe you should just lie down instead,” he grunted as he pulled her out of the car because she didn’t want to walk on her own two feet. “I’ll bring the cat to your room. 

“Oh my baby! I love her so much,” she began on some sort of ramble while Paul tried to drag her through the lobby. He wished she would cooperate so it didn’t look like he was kidnapping her. “The other day, this is what I was saying, she was my favourite cat and she just yelled right in my face,” she paused to take in a deep breath and Paul tensed because he knew what she was doing. She mimicked the sound of her cat, and it drew the stares of everyone in the lobby. 

“Oh my god.” He wrestled her into the elevator. He was not doing the stairs with her. He looked like he was abducting her, honestly. From the way everyone had been glaring at him he was starting to feel like the sick one. Like he was the one in the wrong.

“And I said ‘don’t you yell at your mother!’ I didn’t say that, the vine did, and oh my god,” she paused her eyes setting on the ad in the elevator door. “We have got to go see that movie.”

Paul never looked at the ad, it had been here since he moved in and it was just some film festival that took place two months ago. “Oh totally. We will. Promise. I thought you wanted to watch a movie at home first?”

She let her tongue hang out again, tapping the bandages around her jaw. “Y’okay.” She clung tight to his hand. “Watch it w’me?” 

He nodded. He was lying. “Sure. Melissa. Let’s just get you through the door.” He fished around for his keys and jammed them into the door in a race to get her inside. “Just go sit on the couch.” 

She sat on the floor instead, staring at the blank TV. “Paul?” Once again, like she had lost him. “Hey where’s Mew?” She quickly changed the topic. 

The cat was on the couch right behind her. He didn’t tell her, he was worried she would squeeze her too hard. “She’s in bed.” 

“Put the movie on.”

“I’m taking my shoes off, Melissa. Wait,” but he didn’t think she understood at all. 

“Ooh, you know what? I hate slow walkers. Can’t stand them. Can’t be bothered, you know who we should get rid of?” She was looking for the remote now. 

“Melissa. Close your eyes for one second,” he tried to plead, hoping she’d go right to sleep. He jumped to turn on the TV to distract her. The TV was however, was starting a different movie. Rated R for course language. 

“Oh man. I better leave,” she always sounded like she was joking, but her face didn’t look as happy. Her eyebrows were knitted. “It’s full of coarse language, Paul. Viewer discretion is advised. Aaah!” She gave a fake scream. 

It woke the cat and the cat rose her head to touch her nose to Melissa’s fingers. She screamed for real this time.

“Scary stuff,” he raised his eyebrows, cooing. 

Melissa patted her hands to the swollen sides of her face. “But you know what I was saying? Slow walkers. If it were me- top ten things I’d do if I was god? Slow walker genocide. I’m not kidding.” 

“You’re kidding.”

“You only say that because you’re a slow walker. You’ve got long legs though so you’re on thin ice, sir.” She paused, head rolling back, her hands making vague gestures as they clenched and unclenched. “Ted,” she began. 

“What about him?” 

“I hate that guy,” she declared quite quietly. It was probably the lowest she had had her voice in all their time knowing each other. 

“Because he walks slow?” 

“No, just because,” she shook her head, leaving it at that. “Stupid dumbass moustache. He looks like he never washes his hair. Told me mew ‘wasn’t that big of a deal’ and then sat down with Charlotte to look at her cats. He’s a bootlicker.” 

“Oh.” He thought they were good friends actually. Or maybe having desks so close just forced them to be subjected to each other. “Well, let’s just not tell Ted that.” 

“Wanna know somethin’? One time Ted told me,” she slapped a hand to her chest for emphasis. “That I look funny.”

“I think you’re just saying that Melissa.” Surely he had seen her run before. More importantly though, what would it take to get her to shut up and go to sleep? Could he go to take a nap himself or would leaving her unattended set the house on fire? 

“Yeah I am,” she confessed with a giggle. “Can’t stand him though. Straight facts,” she held out her hands. “And that’s my ted talk.” 

He didn’t think she was lucid enough to understand her own double meaning.   
————————————————————————

When Paul was on his usual walk to Beanies he had to cross by Melissa’s desk where she was talking with Ted over their lunch. 

She had brought herself an icy pole for lunch much to Paul’s disagreement. It was not an actual meal and she’d spend the drive home complaining about being hungry. But she had still been complaining about the pain so he let it slip. 

Fortunately for Melissa, Ted had shared some carrots from his lunch for her to chew on, generous considering he was being subjected to more videos of Melissa’s cat.

“Hey,” Ted beckoned him over, “Melissa got teeth out over the weekend?” 

“Yeah. I took her to the dentist’s office,” he nodded, placing his hands in his pockets and trying to seem like that was the cool thing to do. 

“Well why didn’t you record any of it Paul? People eat that footage right up,” Melissa huffed. 

“Yeah, I would’ve killed to see it,” Ted added, turning to face Paul like that would make him cough up the nonexistent footage. 

“I’m probably a comedy genius,” Melissa put in before Paul could explain. 

He shrugged, his hands slipping right back out to rub his neck. “You don’t remember I guess?” 

She shook her head. “No, what was I saying?”

Paul took one look at the two of them, Melissa had one hand in Ted’s lunchbox and he was holding onto her phone to watch a clip. 

Did either of them need to know the truth? No. Paul didn’t think they did. “Yeah Melissa. Comedy genius.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melissa and her date completely misread the mood. 
> 
> !! TW for mild sexual content, mostly sfw though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive content advisory warning for this one. It’s not very in my style and def not to the style of this fic, idk if it’s just me being asexual but there are some parts of this that are very uncomfortable to read. 
> 
> This fic is only to make up for the other one the other night lmao I stand by my hc of Melissa being ace to I had to rectify that one statement by writing a whole fic & once again it is a little hard to get thru @ times !!
> 
> TW for some sexual content, there is no actual sex tho just kissing

“You didn’t have to pay for dinner for me!” Melissa protested when they pulled up to her apartment. She was full of light, the date had gone so, so well and now they wanted to come back and hang out? That was a win in her books. 

“It was my treat, babe.” Doug had been looking at her all night, she loved the attention and she had let Doug know. 

“Well I’ll let you pick what to watch, okay? Fair trade?” She joked. “I’ve got a Netflix account. Pick anything. There’s this really interesting documentary I was watching and-“

“Documentary, huh?” Doug winked. “On Netflix?” 

“Mhm! About this murder trial.”

“Sounds very interesting,” Doug nodded, almost sounding sarcastic, like they were talking about something completely different. 

“Uh yeah,” she nodded, swiping her keycard to the apartment. “We could watch something else! There’s a new series I’ve been meaning to start. Maybe we could watch it together?” 

“We can put whatever on in the background. I’m sure it won’t be too important,” they gave Melissa a doting look, the wine on their breath cloying the air.

“Hahah,” she rolled her eyes with amusement. “I get it, I’m beautiful.” 

There was some sort of tension in the elevator that made Doug go quiet.

“My roommate is probably asleep by now. Or he’ll be in his room with his headphones on. As long as we aren’t too loud he should stay in there!” She unlocked their door. “Let me grab some water,” Melissa kicked her shoes off. “You can get a seat on the couch and pick something to watch!” She offered, her cat brushing against her legs as she entered. “Do you want anything?” 

“Come join me on the couch, babe,” Doug watched her walk across the room, looking her up and down with a smile.

“I will, I’m just getting a drink,” she assured them. “Would you like some?” She repeated, rolling her ankles around in between steps now that her heels were off. 

“Well, I’m waiting for you,” there was almost a growl or a roll to their words as they grinned, unbuttoning their dress shirt down to their singlet. They looked much more comfortable like that. Her cat pounced up onto the couch to rub against Doug’s bare arm before hopping away before she could be touched.

“Haha,” Melissa tossed her hair back over her shoulder at that. “I’ll hurry. Miss you already.” She assured them, reaching up to grab a glass and inspect it. That’s on Paul for never doing this dishes properly. She put it back, checking the dishwasher and selecting another cup. “We should just be quiet. My roommate is probably asleep.”

“Oh. He won’t bother us will he?” 

“Nah, nah,” she shook her head. “If he wants to come out anyways we can go hang out in my room,” she promised. She hoped she had cleaned up at least. 

“What’s taking so long, babe?” Doug called. “I miss you.”

“I just can’t find a cup!” She sighed. “Sorry.” She hoped she didn’t look like a fool as she finally found a nice glass. 

She was just grabbing the faucet when she felt Doug’s hands slip over her hips and under the hem of her blouse, turning her around and pushing her up against the wall. 

“Oh,” Melissa put her cup down. She wasn’t drinking, she supposed. “Hi babe,” she beamed, resting her arms around their shoulders. “What’s this? Am I getting arrested?” She teased.

“I’m just missing you,” they tucked their head into Melissa’s shoulder, kissing the base of her neck. They pulled back with a grin, it was so strange to look right into their eyes after so many hours of seeing them in shades. 

“I missed you too!” She purred, giggling and planting a kiss on their cheek. “It’s only been a few seconds!”

“You’re a bit of a bottom,” Doug chuckled, a thumb brushing over Melissa’s cheek as if to point out how red her skin was. 

“Huh?” Melissa kissed their cheek again but halted as Doug pressed their body up against her chest, pinning her to the wall. 

“You’re so beautiful,” they pressed their lips together, their hands sliding up Melissa’s pale stomach. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” Melissa’s lipstick covered their cheek, and saliva ran down her chin. 

“Hah,” she tried not to laugh too loud, covering her mouth for a second to hide how stupidly wide her grin was. “I love you too! Oh I-“ she was cut off by Doug again with another long kiss, letting out a surprised and muffled squeak as the buttons of her blouse were getting undone. It was like an explosion of sparks in her gut, but like a brick was just dropped down on her head. 

Doug’s lips left hers only pulling far enough to chuckle, their breath warm on her neck as they returned to kissing their cheekbone so Melissa could catch her breath. “Is that okay? You can tell me to stop.”

“Uh, Yeah! It’s okay!” Shit. Okay. Just focus. She had to figure out what she was supposed to be doing, her mind had no guiding clue. She always figured something primal would kick in, but she was so awake, so sober as Doug tried to kiss her lips again. 

Oh boy. This was a first. Definitely a first. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do, her fingers ran delicately up Doug’s spine and they laughed, smiling when their lips weren’t planted to Melissa’s.

And then they felt one of Doug’s hands open the last of her buttons, and Melissa immediately hunched, her stomach feeling exposed. “Your bra is cute,” Doug cooed in between kisses, their hands pulling at the wings absently. 

“It’s cute?” She echoed, one hand trying to find Doug’s to guide their hands away politely, and Doug got the message. “I got it from target.” Why did they say that? Not the right response, but at least Doug chuckled. 

“I’m so in love with your mind,” they crooned. “But you’re a shitty kisser,” they laughed again, their hands tickling her stomach.

“I’m sorry I’ve never-“ she had to press back into the wall to get some distance from the kissing. “I’ve never done this before.” She had never done any of this before. It felt weird. She felt like she couldn’t look Doug in the eyes. She wasn’t sure where she was supposed to be looking actually. 

“Oh, this is your first time?” Doug blinked, taking in her face. 

“Y-Yeah,” Melissa stammered, embarrassed and blushing so hard her head was ringing. She was twenty five. She had never initiated a kiss. She was never really into them much. She didn’t mind, but she always just lacked the energy of her partner. She thought she’d grow into it.

“Cute,” Doug purred, brushing a stray hair behind Melissa’s ear. “Is it good? Is this okay then?”

“Yeah!” She thought so at least. Her heart was racing and her stomach felt hot and funny, in a good way. Her skin was burning under Doug’s touch and her legs were shaking.

Although she didn’t like being railed up against the wall, and aside from their racing heart they didn’t feel that into it. She wanted to kiss, she didn’t mind that, but sometimes their touch didn’t feel good and it made her leg muscles tense up funny like she was trying to fight back. Her toes were curling up in her socks. She was instinctually embarrassed at her bare stomach too. It sent a weird explosion of butterflies out through her lower gut as Doug‘s hip rode against her pelvis. Her hands didn’t know what to do besides grab Doug’s muscled shoulders. 

“Are you okay?” Doug paused, giving her a second to breathe. “You don’t look-“

“Uh, mhm!” She confirmed, one leg crossing over the other. “Yeah, it’s fine! This is good!” She was waiting impatiently for that part of her brain to kick in. She hated sex talk, always tried to avoid it if she could, but she figured being turned on would happen, just like a switch, but nothing was happening. In fact she felt oddly cold.

“Okay then, hun,” Doug purred, nipping at her neck. 

“Hah!” Melissa couldn’t hold back a laugh at the sensation, her nails digging into Doug’s back. 

Their back arched and they nodded. “Yeah, yeah,” they confirmed, encouraging her to continue. 

Finally they let her off the wall, letting her catch a proper breath and try and slow her heartbeat and wipe her face clean of spit. Thank god that was over. Her hands got to her shirt again, trying to find her buttons, but it only lasted a second before Doug toppled them backwards onto the couch. “Are you okay?”

She caught her breath again, wiping her lips and blinking as she looked up at Doug. “Yes.”

“You keep saying yes but you’re looking at me funny,” Doug frowned. “I don’t think-“

“Because I’m new to this, is all,” she was trying to convince herself too. “It’s fine. I swear.”

With their smile half flickering, they slid in between her spread legs, hands running down her sides and coming to a halt and her shoulders, looming over her. 

“Do you want to?” Their breathing was somehow heavier than Melissa’s. “Only if this is okay,” they repeated.

“Oh, boy, yeah. Okay.” Melissa took her glasses off, just reaching the coffee table. What to do? What to do? Their stomach was a blur of feelings but her head felt numb, like it had let go of her body.

Doug’s hands were at the waistband of her skirt, tugging it down just ever so slightly. “Can I?” They asked first, looking down and laughing. There was a lot of laughter, was that what she should be doing? 

“Sure, hahah,” Melissa laughed too. What were they laughing at? 

“I like your boxers.” 

“Oh!” She giggled anxiously, expecting Doug to lean back now. “They’ve got cats on them! They’re cute, right?” 

“You’re always so you.” They leaned down in a push up to kiss her. 

“Oh my god,” Melissa awed. That was the coolest thing that had ever happened. “Thank you.” Why was she doing that? Why didn’t she know how to react right? At least Doug wasn’t angry? Laughing had to be better than a lot of other stuff. 

“That’s good then I guess?” They asked. 

“Ah, of course!” She tried to sound confident. The push up kiss rocked, obviously. She was pretty hyped about that. But maybe not so much everything else. She was still waiting for something to click. Was she supposed to undress them? No. That’d feel weird. She couldn’t. 

Her skirt was off now, somewhere on the floor. Her skin was burning for a different reason. She wasn’t in to this. This was weird. This was wrong. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t go forward but she couldn’t stop. “What about you?” She stammered, no other excuses in mind. She didn’t know what she was buying time for.

“Hahah,” Doug took a kiss from the neck. Their hands traced a line up Melissa’s bare stomach and up her chin to tap her nose. “Well tonight’s all about you, okay? I’m going to treat you.”

Melissa gulped. “Oh. Thanks,” she nodded. Shit. “Yeah. Can we just kiss then?” She had probably had enough kissing now really. Couldn’t she just cool down and get into it? When the hell was it going to click? She knew what was coming but she had no clue how it would work. The thought made her tense up like she wanted to cover her eyes or throw up. If something in her brain didn’t take over soon, she probably would.

“Of course, if that’s what you want.” Doug dipped down to kiss her again. And another, trailing down her neck to her shoulder. “You look so beautiful in the moonlight.”

“Ahah,” the moonlight was actually glaring in her eye, and she could only see Doug’s smile. Couldn’t even appreciate their muscles as they dipped down to kiss her again. Total mood killer. That must’ve been it. She dug her nails into the cushions of the couch, her toes still curling up in her socks. Was that how she was supposed to feel?

“Are you ready?” 

“Am I ready?” She had no answer. 

“Hey. I won’t do anything unless you say yes,” they took their hands back. “Are you okay? You don’t look like you’re into this.”

Melissa purses her lips shut. This time her body wouldn’t let her give an answer.

“Melissa?” Doug pushed back up, taking in the shock on her face. And their smile just went away. “Oh.” They sat right back up, taking their hands off her immediately, an apology on their lips.

Shit. She didn’t want to disappoint them. It was her fault for not being in the mood. Maybe she just had to do more. “No, it’s fine, it’s fine,” her sweaty and clammy fingers fiddled at the buttons of her boxer shorts. But her head felt so heavy. It was yelling at her. Telling her just to tell the truth, it would be less painful that what was coming. It begged her to think about the consequences. It would be so violating. She would have to lay in bed for a few days trying to scrub her mind clean. She wouldn’t be able to shower - it’d be too hard to look at herself. She wouldn’t be able to look Doug in the eye, let alone anyone. 

“Hey, stop,” Doug shook their head. “No, Melissa. You don’t have to.”

But then the door opened. 

Melissa stopped. Doug stopped. Her body ran cold but she almost felt relief. 

“Oh.” Paul bit his lip, his eyes half squinted from the lights he had turned on in his room. 

“Hey man,” Melissa nodded. She would wave if her blouse wasn’t strangled down her arms. Doug was straddling them anyways and she probably wouldn’t be able to raise her arm. 

“I’ll leave you to it. Uh.” He closed his eyes, shielding them with his hand. “Don’t make a mess, please.” He shut off his light, doing a full one eighty to close his door like he had never been there. 

“Huh,” Doug stopped, blinking the light out of their eyes. “Mood killer.” They sat up, perching on the armrest. 

Melissa felt warm in a better way now, she rubbed her stomach, shrugging her shoulders in to button her shirt back up. 

“Sorry,” Doug began. “I must’ve misread the mood. Are you-?”

Melissa stopped, her hands frozen. “Uh no! No, it’s okay, uh-“ she clapped one palm to her eye, swallowing hard as the nausea came right back. “Because we can-“ 

“No. It’s okay. You don’t want to. That guy ruined the vibe anyways.” 

“That’s my roommate, Paul,” her throat felt dry, and it probably had nothing to do with the water she missed out on. 

“You weren’t into it, you don’t have to lie. I’m really sorry.” They were searching around for their dress shirt. “I rushed you.” 

“No, no I’m sorry,” Melissa tried. “I’ve never done this before. I just didn’t know what to do, or how to feel,” she wrung her hands. “I was into the kissing, I just...” she finished buttoning up her shirt instead of her sentence. “Maybe we should just try. You just tell me how I’m supposed to feel, okay?” 

“Have you ever...?” They made a circling gesture with their hand. 

“No. I don’t know. I never have. It’s just because I’m weird. I just figured I would feel it when it happened but I chickened out and-“ 

“Are you asexual, Melissa?” They asked as they buttoned up their own shirt, not as rushed as Melissa. 

“Um. I used to think I was but my parents always said ‘Melissa you’re sixteen, how would you even know if you never try?’ And so I was like hah, how would I right?”  
She shuddered though. She had the unexplainable urge to take the hammer from the toolbox and smash her skull in just to get the feeling over with.

“Hey. No one should have to fact check that. I think you can trust your gut there,” they did up the last button of their shirt. How was Melissa so slow at this? 

“I’m really sorry. I just didn’t know what to- I thought, I didn’t want to upset you. You looked so upset.” 

“Not at you!” Doug gaped. “I felt gross for thinking I was pushing you into this. You should’ve told me to stop,” they combed their hair back into place, picking Melissa’s skirt up off the floor.

A cry bubbled up Melissa’s throat. “Is that bad? That I don’t wanna-? You know I thought everyone, that it was normal to- uh- does it mean you can’t love me?” She cuddled her arms over her stomach. 

“Hey. I still love you, babe.” They came over to plant a kiss on her forehead, their hands going to their pockets. “You don’t look so fresh. Let’s talk this out on a day where you’ve got more rest, okay? I should go. I should really go.” 

“Ah shoot,” Melissa pressed her palms to her forehead. “Sorry for ruining this. I feel so bad.” 

“Hey. This is not your fault,” Doug declared. “You don’t have to feel bad tonight, okay? You’re in the right.”

Melissa wiped her eyes. “Sorry,” she apologised anyways. She was the broken one here. Doug wouldn’t be feeling so bad if she was just normal. 

Doug held open their arms to give Melissa a simple hug goodnight. “Let’s talk it out tomorrow, my place, okay? I’ll make it up to you.”

Melissa sunk into their warm hug, sniffling. “Thank you. I’m sorry. I’m so stupid.”

“Don’t apologise, hun.” But things felt so cold when they had left. The frown on their face was engrained in her mind. She was so stupid. 

“Paul!” She drummed a hand on his door. “Paul!” 

With a grumble and a shuffling of bedsheets he dragged his feet to the door, covering his eyes. “Do lesbians need protection because?” 

“Paul, stop it!” She slapped his hand away from his eyes. “Paul!” 

“Oh, they left.” He frowned, checking around the apartment with his eyes. “Sorry Mel, bad date? I thought you guys were uh, onto something there.” 

“I’m asexual.” 

“Oh uh,” he rubbed his eyes. “Okay. Did you?” 

“No. I feel dumb. We nearly- and then- but I was too-“ there was no end to that sentence. “How could someone love me now? I just don’t know.” 

“Mel. Hey. Don’t panic, are you feeling okay?” 

“Just guilty. I feel dumb. Everyone has a stupid-“ she couldn’t even say the word, that was probably the biggest clue. “Everyone has a sex drive. Why don’t I? Why’d I ruin our date?” 

“Hey. If you ask me one week of dating is a bit premature for getting laid.” He waddled over to the couch, slumping down. “Maybe you just weren’t ready? You don’t have to beat yourself up over it.”

“No you don’t get it. Five dates in lesbian time is like five years. We were practically already married. We have U-haul on speed dial.” Melissa held her hands over her stomach. “I’m going to vomit. I feel like I’m going to vomit.” 

“Go put on something warm,” he advised, rubbing his eyes and curling up into the couch. “It might help.” 

Melissa nodded. That would feel good. Dressed in tracksuits and her most oversized hoodie seemed to make up for the time she had spent undressed at least. She kept her hands in her pockets to rub her stomach. 

“Come here,” he held one arm out and she tucked herself into it, her head resting under his shoulder so she could hide her face away. “There’s nothing wrong with being ace. I know lots of people who are.” 

“There are like two lesbians my age in this town, Paul,” She grunted. “I just cut my already small dating pool in half. Probably more.”

“Oh, did Doug call it off?” He rubbed her back. 

“No,” she admitted. But she felt she had ruined it for herself too. She didn’t think she could look at them again.

He checked the time on the wall. “Well do you think you can go to sleep?” 

She shook her head. Her heart still racing. “I just kept saying yes. But I didn’t mean it.” No, she wanted to take that back. She didn’t want to talk about it at all. “I don’t know. That’s dumb. Being a pushover will get me one day.” 

“Yeah, Melissa.”

“Don’t ‘yeah Melissa’ me.” She pummelled one fist into his side, but it was 2AM and she was exhausted and tired so she didn’t even get him. “You’re a pushover too.” 

“You weren’t a push over when I asked you to get the door for the delivery guy the other night,” he ribbed.

“I was in my pyjamas,” she defended her position. “They say order in is so easy because you can do it all online.”

“But you still have to talk to them when they get to the door!” He finished, this was a topic they had been over many a time. But at least he had her laughing again. “Listen, I cant really relate. But I guess you must be feeling a little yucky.” 

“Yup,” she was still rubbing circles into her stomach to try rub away the nausea. Her mind was running a thousand thoughts a second. “We’ve got work in the morning.” 

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “You’ll have to get to sleep.”

“But I can’t.” 

“Look.” Doug had left Melissa’s skirt on the table. Her phone was still in her pocket. It was buzzing. He tried to reach out without shifting her too much to collect it. “What’re they saying?” 

Melissa clutched her phone as that sick feeling stirred in her stomach again. Eyes half squinted, she tried to read them. “They just want me not to feel bad.” There were quite a few messages coming though, apologies and explanations and comforts. She didn’t have the right head to read them and tossed her phone to the other side of the couch. 

They said she didn’t have to feel bad tonight. Verbatim. She just had to cling onto it.

“You can be asexual and still have a relationship,” Paul broke the silence, assuming the worst for whatever the messages had been. 

“I’ve just tried denying it for so long,” she confessed, scrunching up tissues in her pockets. “Because it’s supposed to be a normal human need or whatever. You’ve got hormones for it or something.” 

“Well you just don’t have them, and that’s fine. Some people don’t have the hormones for all sorts of things. Guess your brain just had to make room for cooler things.” 

“Yeah,” she sniffled. “Had to make room for the cool people hormone,” she joked. She was never big on frowning. 

“Yeah. Exactly,” Paul was glad she was coming around. He was too tired to come up with much himself. “You have to make room in your head to remember client phone numbers.” 

“I have to make room to remember obscure trivia from when I was a kid. Obviously,” she elbowed him, leaning her weight back onto her knees instead of Paul’s side. Her phone was still buzzing. So she finally picked it up. “I feel bad that they feel bad,” she sighed. “They kept going ‘are you sure? Are you sure?’ And I said ‘yeah’ and now they feel like crap.” 

“It’s hard to navigate these things,” Paul told her. “For both people.” 

“They want me over tomorrow night,” Melissa read out. “To make it up to me.”

‘No bad stuff, we can just cuddle & watch tv if you want, are we on?’

“Oh. That’s great,” Paul smiled. “That is great right?” 

“Yeah. That’s great.” She released the breath in her lungs. And the nausea finally went away.


End file.
